We are finally able to see the light through the fog. Although I miss him terribly and we are at 2 weeks and counting, we finally have a break through. Today while I was there for visitation the chaplain gave us great news. Our marriage request has been approved by ICE! The only problem? The officiant with the detention center can't do it until the 5th. So I took it upon myself to find someone else. I found a new officiant! She called the chaplain this afternoon and will be circling back around with him in the morning so we can get her approved as well. Once we get her approval we can schedule any day, in theory, as long as the chaplain has availability. So hopefully we will be getting married next week (we still plan on having a ceremony for friends and family later down the road). The attorney is filling the bond application tomorrow. As soon as we get married I get to take the signed copy back to Denton to buy a marriage certificate which we will present at the bond hearing (whenever that may be). We are hoping to have him out ASAP but I don't know that it will be before his birthday. I'm trying desperately though.
When we saw each other today there were no tears. There was more hope and knowledge than there was a week ago. We laughed and joked. Time went by quickly even though we had more time this week than we did last week. The more I hear the more confident I am that he will get to come home. Then the real battle begins. I can only hope that the current administration is gone when his final trial date comes. Hopefully we will have a more solid chance then.
I am still having panic attacks and anxiety the depression is waning. The main problem is the fear. I am still so scared. I fear every day that when he comes home I may not get to keep him here. I fear everyday could be the last for a long time. I don't want to think like that but it's hard and it's scary. For this reason I have reached out to several therapists and finally found one that would respond back. I have my first appointment next Thursday afternoon. I don't even know that it will do any good with the situation as it is. I need something though to hopefully help with the situation we are currently in. I have been so effected and traumatized by these circumstances, I don't know if just talking can fix this. My midwife did offer to write me a scrip for Zoloft in the mean time and I have seriously considered it. I fear the effects of the drug on the baby though. So I am apprehensive about introducing drugs into my body no matter how bad the anxiety gets.
Regardless of the anxiety and the other stressors. We are moving forward and that makes me feel slightly better. Please make sure you share the gofundme page! Thanks for reading. :)
