The ebb and flow of hurry up and wait 3/11-3/15

This week has been a roller coaster of emotions. Cesar is making more connections with the people he is being held with and getting information about people being bonded out. We are finding out what is happening on average and the news is looking better. I am apprehensively optimistic. On Monday I spoke with at least two separate charities that said they should be able to help us with the bond. So I am more hopeful after a weekend of panicking about how I would afford to get him back. I find out on Monday that the Chaplin needs the affidavit brought to him to get Cesar to sign it. So I drive out to Alvarado Monday afternoon. It's too late for Cesar go to the law library that evening when he receives the paper, but he will get it the next day. So on Tuesday Cesar asks all day to go to the law library and they prevent it. Finally when he does he to go the notary is not there. Great. So we wait until the next day, Wednesday. He goes, but the notary won't let him sign the paper I filled out because it has his middle name. So he has to refill out a new affidavit, he tells me he copied everything over 100% just like mine. I rush off to Collin county hopeful and eager to make it in time to get the marriage license. I get there with just minutes to spare. I had asked if they would take a copy of an expired ID in addition to the original birth certificate a few days prior to this. They said they would. When I get in there and they call my name I proudly lay my documents out on the table ready for inspection. The woman says, "well... first of all this is a Mexican birth certificate and we don't take Matricula's as a form of ID." I protested and said, "but I spoke with you on the phone and you told me you would take a copy of an expired ID?!" She said "yes, an ID. NOT A MATRICULA. I said "what is the difference? It's still a government Id from the Conciliate of Mexico?" She tells me they still can't take it. I leave in a panic and discouraged. I can't believe I have done all this work for nothing. I feel like I am back to square one, I am in my car in having an anxiety attack, crying feeling like a failure. I call Johnson county, where the facility is located, and they say yes they will take a matricula but not an expired one. They tell me to call the jail because they can issue him and ID. So I call the jail, the woman I speak with tells me he needs to request one, okay. Then there is a but. The woman goes on to tell me that ICE normally doesn't give ID's to the detainees even if they request it. I thank the woman for her help and hang up. I feel defeated, dejected and hopeless. The marriage is a big part of us solidifying his case. He may not get bond based on our ability to get married. I feel like I failed Cesar, I am so beside myself. He calls and I break down in tears, I am so beyond upset I can't stop crying. I feel like I am personally responsible for the inability to get the marriage license. He makes me feel a little bit better and I try to focus on other things for the rest of the evening and I go back to my research and reading closed court files on cancellation of removal cases. The evening winds down and I talk to him before bed I'm still sad but it is Wednesday and I get to see him in the morning. We are both excited, I am hoping to hug him when I see him. We both speak sweetly about being in each others presence for the first time in a week. He makes me laugh telling me he hasn't shaved since he's been in and that he's overly scruffy. We say our good nights and I go to bed determined to figure something out the following day.

This is currenlty my snuggle budy. The Cheshire cat has always been one of my favorite disney characters. I even have a matching mug.