The attorney had told us we should have our court date this past week. The court house told him to call on Wednesday to confirm it. He called, and called, and called. NOTHING. Still nothing on Thursday when I got in to work after my visit with Cesar. **sigh** I kinda lost my shit, I must confess. After I got back and the attorney didn't give me the info I wanted I drove to the court house to see if they could provide me with anything. Still nothing, "sorry we will get to it when we get to it." Cesar had tried to put in multiple requests to speak with someone about it and had not received anything back.
My anxiety and depression got the best of me when I left the court house. Uncontrollable sobbing, I couldn't eat, I felt like I couldn't breath. Every ounce of panic available hit me. Where am I going to live? I can't resign our lease because its not OURS it's his. Even if I could, I can't comfortably afford it by myself. I'm struggling right now just to make it. We were told we would have his court date 2 weeks after the file date. That was on a Friday so I rounded to the following Monday. That means we should have had it on the week of the first. Something happened and there was a ball dropped, fine. We were suppose to have it by Wednesday of this week. Nothing. The hurry up and wait with no foreseeable end in sight is unbearable. I am not okay with hypothetical and blurred dates. I need concrete start and stops. How is it even legal to hold someone for over a month with no bond hearing on charges that do not deem them to be dangerous? Why had other people come and gone in the time that he ha been in there? Why was he getting pushed to the back burner? All I could do was cry. I'm alone, scarred and unsure of everything because NOTHING is going at the rate of speed that it is suppose to. On my drive home I call the facility and leave a message for him to call. I leave it vague on purpose because I know I will start balling like a hyper emotional psychopath if I have to talk about it. I get home, and go to our bed and just lay and cry. To top off how hurt I am emotionally my round ligament pain gets real when I'm stressed. So I'm laying in bed 1/2 sobbing out of sheer sadness and 1/2 because my stomach HURTS on either side of my belly and any way I turn just makes the pulling worse.
My phone rings, it's Cesar. He is obviously shook by the call, I don't usually call and leave messages for him. He asks what is wrong and all I can do is cry because I'm stressed. I don't know whats happening, why it's happening this way, what amount of time any of this is going to take. I am at a breaking point. My stomach hurts. I was hungry and now I can't eat. I feel terrible because I can't eat because of the baby. This realization makes me cry more. He's obviously upset by all of this trying to console me over the phone and get me to calm down. I'm still sobbing going on about how I've done everything I can and it's still not enough. I get to a more calm place and he tells me he's going to go send a message right now so he can get a response by Friday hopefully. He will keep reaching out daily bothering them. I get off the phone. Still sad but feeling a bit more under control. We spoke about our living conditions I was still freaking out because an apartment under $1000 doesn't exist and he said we will figure it out just try not to stress.
I talk to my mom. She is willing to help out with the rent on a place to get us moved in the event that Cesar can't come home in time. A friend of ours is willing to help move the apartment for me since I will be 6 months pregnant and lifting most things is just going to be out of the question. This is due to sheer inability for me to pick it up things correctly. I calm my nerves a bit by having a contingency plan. I'm still sad and I cry on and off for the remainder of the evening. It's just hard. I don't want to be sad, I don't want to be hurt and feel this pain. I know this is killing Cesar. He said after we talked he felt really down for the rest of the evening. He doesn't like that I'm having to struggle. He never wanted me to have to live through this. Luckily for me I spent 10 years of living like this. In a state of constant fear of making the next payment that had to be paid, making sure everyone had food and running certain bills late to pay other ones. I know he feels helpless but the feeling is mutual.
On the brighter side of the spectrum, Friday was a new day. I woke up and my eyes still hurt from crying so much the day before. I was hopeful that he would have some sort of positive news from the message he sent on Thursday. We talked late that morning and as of that right now neither one of us heard anything from anyone. It was okay though we were feeling a little bit better. Friday afternoon he finally hit me with some news. Was it groundbreaking? ABSOLUTELY NOT, but it was something. The courts had gotten back to him and told him that the average amount of time to get a court date was 1-2 months from the date of booking. Well... he was booked on the 7th. So we have passed the one month and are on our way to 2 right now. We are hoping that means we will have his court date, or at least have the date assigned, by the end of the month. Hopefully his court date will be no later than the beginning of May. This is moderately positive news. I do better when I can keep track of things and attach a time frame. I'll bother the attorney next wed to see if he has heard anything. Then I will hold off another week. I don't think he wouldn't reach out but I also realize we are not his only clients and a nudge is sometimes necessary.
So that is it. A whole lot of me freaking out. A whole lot of nothing. A whole lot of government bureaucratic bullshit and the result of our immigration courts being WAY overloaded. It's ridiculous that when he was taken into custody he was told he would have a bond hearing in 2 weeks, that was what ICE told him. Then after speaking with the administrator at the court her exact words were "Oh no, we have no specific start and stop time." All I have to say is, think about the lack of control in the immigration system. Think about the fact that there is suppose to be oversight and almost EVERYTHING is discretionary. If we are talking about federal law you would think that this would be across the board in every state. I talk to women everyday who have a similar story. Maybe not to mine but to someone else. If they are in the wrong state it could mean their husbands bond is denied and he is deported. Not even give an option for voluntary departure. Some cancellation of removal cases take as little as 2-3 years others in some sates take as long as 6-10 years. How can there be so much inconsistency?
