Saturday mornings sting the most. Although Cesar working in restaurants he was off on Saturday. That was always our morning to spend together and get to lay in bed together. On the weekends we had the kids they would run in and wake us up in the morning. On the weekends we didn't we would stay in bed as long as we couldn't snuggled under the covers enjoying each others company. Saturday is also the day that my "weeks" for the pregnancy update. So typically while he was cooking breakfast I would tell him about the baby and where she is at growth and development wise. It sounds like nothing but the little things are the things you miss the most. The mundane chores and daily conversations have shifted. Not being able to reach out whenever I want. This isn't like having a loved one on a business trip. So as I lay here waiting for my morning call I can't help but feel sad. I don't have much to keep me busy this weekend except studying for a test. We are hoping to get the officiant approved so we can get married this upcoming week but that still doesn't bring him home for his birthday. That still means he is doomed to stay there for at least another week and weekend. Although I know I have done everything I can I can't help but feel like a failure. I want to bring him home so bad and I can't get him here. I'm mentally at a breaking point I never thought I would reach in my adult life.
Not to mention the fact that last night I had someone tell me Cesar hadn't done everything he could before hand. That if he would have tried harder sooner he wouldn't have been in this position and therefore I wouldn't have been in this position. People that have never been through this don't understand the situational realities to this. It upset me so much to hear that coming from someone I consider a friend. Hearing "It's his fault for not acting sooner". We went and consulted with attorneys, they told us what the best option was. We were going with that option. We just didn't get to it fast enough. Just because you "think" you know, you don't. Unless you, yourself, have sat with an attorney to work through all of this you won't know what options are truly available to you. Maybe you have an employer willing to sponsor (this doesn't happen often), you have eligible family to sponsor ( this is hard and takes a long time to process), you have married a US citizen (still hard and you could still face deportation unless you can prove hardship while you process), you can claim asylum (dependent on where you come from and what you were fleeing), and there's a U visa (that has to do with domestic violence if I'm correct). So unless you fit into one of those categories, you are kinda screwed until you do. Cesar didn't have any eligible family here to sponsor him. So he couldn't apply for a green card because his didn't fit into a bin. This is not the case of "Oh, he didn't try hard enough." He knew his options but he didn't fit into a category. He didn't know he could qualify for DACA until it was too late. He thought he was disqualified because of his age. Trump took away that protection before we could get an application filled. But according to this person it's his fault for not knowing. Because they make immigration so easy to navigate and all the information so readily apparent.
The fact that this was a conversation I had to have last night shows the level of ignorance on the topic. Unless you can speak to it yourself because you know all the details keep your opinions to you self. WE ARE SUFFERING. It's not his fault "I" am suffering. WE ARE A TEAM. Just like any other husband and wife would be. I could have walked away in the very beginning when I found out about his status. I SIGNED UP FOR THIS because he would have done the same for me. He has supported me for years and has been there through very tough times. This is how you know you are in it for the long haul with someone. I love this man with all my heart and it is so ridiculous to make this his fault and to blame him for this situation. I wish this on no one. However, if people think that way about our situation I hope that when they face a tough situation with their family at some point in their lives that there is someone out there to be shitty and condescending in a time when they are at their lowest. Why? Because that's what it feels like to be kicked when you are down and on the verge of a mental breakdown. This will be an insignificant memory for them but I WILL NEVER FORGET being treated like this was inconsequential and basically being told "
."