Trying to make it alone 3/8

I wake up early to confirm Cesar is in fact being held at the facility. I request to see him during a visitation I have to schedule one for the day his pods scheduled visitations are on. They get them on Thursday's only. I'm hurt so bad. I have to wait a week to see him from the time they took him. I have no other choice, so I concede to the man and schedule it for 8:00am. I'll be late to work that morning because I need to be out there between 7:30-7:45am. The facility is located an hour south of our apartment and it's about an hour and a half from my job. So, Thursday will be a long day, but I can't wait to see him. At his point it feels like it is forever away.

The attorney I spoke with the day before seems a tad bit shady and is dodging all my questions. At this point I am beyond sleep deprived and the thought of food or any sort of substance going into my body is unimaginable. I reached out to my midwife for advice, being pregnant there are more things I can't take than I can. I tell her about the situation and she tells me how terribly she feels for me. She then offers me Zoloft and an attorney's name that another patient of hers is working with. She tells me, "I don't know what their are going through 100% but I do know he was facing deportation and he got him to stay here. So he might be a good option for you." I thank her for both things and quickly hang up and call the attorney. He doesn't answer but I left him a voicemail and went about my research and trying to busy myself. Gil, the attorney, quickly called me back and I told him the situation. He said you need to come in and speak with me immediately. So I got dressed and headed to his office quickly

Gill is a nice man, short in stature and Hispanic with no real noticeable accent. I explain our situation and he walks me through the options. He tells me if we were planning on getting married we need to hurry up and get married now because it will give Cesar a better shot at Bond and when setting up our case for the 10 year defense, aka cancellation of removal. He said he would help me get in touch with the Chaplin at the facility, for the marriage, and get the bond application put together. The bond application ALONE costs $1500. At this point I am a tad bit relived because the other attorney I spoke with the day before told me a price that was $1000 more and didn't make me feel like it would even have an effect. Luckily I had paid off my credit cards a couple of months before and had the money available. Gil does explain to me though that immigration bonds for detainees with a DWI have doubled over the last couple of years from $5k to $10k sometimes all the way to $15k. At this point I am oblivious as to how immigration bonds work. So I just nod in agreement, eye on the prize. I'm going to get him home again! Gil explains to me that in order to get him on bond we will need to prove he has been here for 10 years, has good moral charter, and that he is not a flight risk. For cancellation of removal we have to prove the first two things and extreme hardship if he were to leave the county while his visa processes.

As the day moves forward I listen to the attorney and go try and get our marriage license. While waiting in line, Cesar finally calls. I am trying not to cry the whole time. It is such a relief to hear his voice. He sounds drained, scared and sad. He gives me instructions on how to put money on this commissary so he can make calls and purchase some essentials. The call is relatively short but he promised to call me later in the afternoon. He thought I was at work which is why he didn't call me in the morning. In case you are wondering the only way to reach out to an inmate is by calling the front desk and having them deliver a message to them. THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN QUICKLY. So the information may not be received until hours later. I went back in to the office to try and fill out the marriage application. I am immediately stonewalled by a lady at the counter, "you both have to be present.". I respond with, "But ma'am, he can't be here. He's being detained." The shrewd woman behind the counter says, "Well then, I guess you can't get married." I walk out feeling defeated again. There must be something I can do. How do military families apply for marriage licenses when they are away? What about people who marry people in prison? There has to be some piece of the puzzle I am missing. Back to the drawing board.

I find out I can file the initial application online and I call the county clerk by our apartment. They tell me there is a way. Hazzah! I just need him to fill out an absentee affidavit and get it notarized at the jail. I print it off and send it to the attorney later that afternoon. I get a list of items we will need for the bond so I start going through papers later that evening. Cesar has stacks and stacks of papers just lying around. I spent 1.5 hours going through paperwork doing exactly what the attorney says, "Find something with his name, address and date. Anything and everything from 2009 till now." Luckily I have MORE than enough information. Truth be told I was always irritated by the amount of paper Cesar held on to. I never messed with it because it was his stuff, but I really wanted to throw it all away. I had no idea that this would come in handy in the way it did.

The evening progresses and I finally get to talk to Cesar again. It gets too loud by the phones sometimes and it is hard for him to hear. Also since all the calls are recorded the feedback that comes across the phones makes it hard and sometimes impossible to hear, depending on the phone he uses. I cry a lot. I miss him so much. I don't like living in this apartment alone. But it's my one safe space and I feel like I have, it hurts for him not to be here but I feel trapped by my anxiety and can't leave the house. As I lay in bed I feel my eyes increase in heaviness. I may be able to sleep a little bit. One more day down until I get to see him again.